


Losing Myself

by curiousscientistkae



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sort Of, Written in a day, like testing to see if it would make a good longer fic, test fic i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 14:43:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17184929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiousscientistkae/pseuds/curiousscientistkae
Summary: Adora knows she has to be She-ra to protect those she loves snd the innocent. But recently she has figured out, at what cost to her does that mean?





	Losing Myself

**Author's Note:**

> So like there is this theory going around least on tumblr that like She-ra can take over Adora (ie the second time she turned into she-ra she acted all different than before and after) and the idea of like Adora slowly losing herself everything time she turned into She-ra came to me. 
> 
> This fic is quick both kind of in pacing and that I wrote it in a day (so if there are mistakes sorry) but if y'all like it I can turn it into a minor chapter fic after...I get other works done (whoops) 
> 
> But yeah. Glimmadora if you squint.

Adora glups as she looks down at her sword. She knows she has to transform into She-ra, she  _ has _ to transform. Horde soldiers are everywhere. Only She-ra can stop them. But Adora wants to stay her in the fight. But what choice does she have? Let the village be destroyed while being indecisive or fight two battles at once and hope she can win at least one of them?

Taking a deep breath, Adora lifts up her weapon and shouts  _ For the honor of Grayskull! _ In a flash, she becomes She-ra and races off into battle. At first, everything is going fine. Adora thinks maybe for once she will stay herself. Maybe for once she will not have to battle herself. The universe quickly proves her wrong.

While fighting a couple of soldiers, her body betrays her. She goes to throw an attack at them but she finds herself blocking. She also glows as she does so.

_ No, no, no, no!  _ Adora thinks. She watches herself move without thinking. The Horde soldiers run away as she begins to gain the upperhand. Adora attempts to say something,  _ anything _ , but nothing comes out. Her body remains silent as it takes out a tank.

_ Stop it!  _ Nothing. Her body bends the nozzle of the tank. She then jumps off and begins looking around at the battlefield. She starts to walk.  _ I said STOP! _

Her body freezes as Adora uses all her will power, all her might to gain back control. She feels as if she is trying to stop a boulder from moving. Every inch of her shakes as she holds herself back. Adora hears a voice asking her why she is stopping her. She ignores it.

The glow and resistance she feels suddenly disappears. Adora falls to her hands and knees, gasping for breath as she reverts back to her typical self. The world around her blurs and the edges of her vision blacken. Adora looks up and sees dark blotches running away and a purple one coming at her.

Glimmer catches her just as her body gives out. For a few moments, everything turns dark before coming back to her. Glimmer’s voice is distant and muffled. Slowly the world and her voice become clear and crisp.

Adora blinks and looks up at Glimmer. Her face is filled with worry.  _ Crap. _

“Adora! Are you okay? What happened?!?” She asks.

Adora’s mind isn’t fully back yet. She takes a moment to answer her.

“It’s nothing, Glimmer,” Adora replies. Her voice is quiet. “I’m fine.”

“Fine!  _ Fine!  _ Adora you just collapsed! And what happened before when you froze?”

“It’s nothing. Just...the fight took a lot out of me…”

“Adora…”

“I’m fine.” She sits up. Somehow, Adora manages not to make everything spin around again but she still needs help from Glimmer to stand. Glimmer tries to ask again what exactly happened but is cut off by Adora each time. She eventually gives up.

Some of Adora’s energy returns to her as they reach the castle. However, she still heads straight to her room, not telling Glimmer anything. She can’t let her know. She can’t let  _ anyone  _ know what is going on. There is no need for anyone to worry. She can handle this.

Adora takes a seat on her bed and thinks about what has been going on. She noticed her body having a mind of its own a while ago. To be honest, the second time she turned into She-ra she felt all the power in the world but she felt like she had no will over said power. That was not her during that fight but she did not think much about it until recently.

Now whenever she turns into She-ra, she feels like someone else is trying to force her out of the driver’s seat and take the wheel. At first it was like an annoying itch but the more she became the legendary warrior, the more she felt like she was losing herself. Adora questioned what was happening but then she realized it.

Adora takes her sword and looks at it. The spirit of She-ra lives in there. It waited a thousand years for a new wielder and now is trying to take over her body. It is the only thing that makes sense to her. Every time she turns into She-ra she loses more of herself it seems and now she is starting to hear a voice. It’s not Light Hope’s. The only explanation is that it is the spirit.

Could this be what Light Hope meant about letting go? Or along those lines? Letting go of herself, no longer fighting the spirit and letting it take her over. Is that what Light Hope wants? Why? And what will become of her? Will she become a back seat driver and live the rest of her life watching someone else control her body? Or will she disappear from existence?

Adora shudders at that thought. Is this what happened to Mara? Did she too realize what was happening to her and try to fight it and lose? Did it all become so much and she couldn’t handle losing herself so she renounced her role? What is she going to do?

“ _ GAH!”  _ Adora shouts and throws the sword across the room. It’s too much to think of. Too many questions. What little energy she gained before is gone. Every part of her is heavy. There is no use in thinking about it now. She falls into a restless sleep.

* * *

Another fight. Another battle. Adora wishes that she could finally get rid of the Horde and no longer be She-ra. But that is a distant dream it seems. Adora struggles to push back her former faction as well as the spirit trying to take over.

Fighting two battles is not good. It leaves her unfocused and allows a blast from a powerful gun to come at her. Adora has just enough time to raise her shield and block the attack. She is thrown some yards backwards and hits a tree. Adora struggles to stand back up.

“Get out of my head!” Adora hisses through her teeth.

_ You have to let me in _ . The voice says.

“No!”

Adora’s stomach twists and she feels nauseous. She does everything she can to prevent a hijacking of her body. Adora digs her fingers into the soft dirt as her body tenses in the fight. All her focus is on keeping control but it’s in vain. She cannot push the spirit away. It takes over. Adora can only watch as her body moves by someone else’s command.The glow returns as she stands.

There isn’t anything Adora can do. Nothing she does aids her in regaining control. She is forced to watch herself fight off the Horde. If anything, she is biding her time, letting herself rest, before attempting to get her body back again.

That all changes, however, when a soldier’s weapon slices across She-ra’s cheek. The last time Adora had to take a back seat and got hurt she felt it. This time, nothing. Nothing at all. The spirit controlling her takes no notices as it defeats the enemy.

_ Crap! Crap! No, I am not going to let this happen! _

She uses the moment of the Horde fleeing to make her move. As the spirit watches them disappear into the woods Adora attempts to take back over again.

_ Why are you still fighting?  _ The spirit asks.

“This is  **my** body. Not yours!” Adora snaps. She finds herself speaking that outloud. Already she is winning. It still is a struggle. The spirit does not want to let go of its control. Adora persists. The tension for control breaks as either Adora wins the battle or the spirit grows bored of fighting. Adora finds herself feeling everything once more, like the stinging sensation on her cheek.

It’s for a brief moment, however. Just like before, everything around her blurs into simple colors before turning pitch black.

When consciousness comes back to her, she first feels her body laying on a soft surface. It takes her a moment to piece together she is on a bed. There is a blanket over her body as well. Adora slowly opens her eyes and let them adjust to the surroundings. She is back in her room. And Glimmer is sitting across from her, staring off into space.

“G-Glim?” Adora croaks.  _ Gods, I need water. _

“Adora! You’re wake!” Glimmer shouts. There are tears in her eyes as she rushes over to hug her. “I was so worried!”

“I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Are you okay?”

“Can I have some water?”

“Yes! Hold on.”

Glimmer teleports away for a few moments before reappearing with a glass in her hands. She helps Adora into an upright position before giving her the water. Adora slowly gulps it down.

“Thank you. How long was I out for?” She asks.

“Half a day…” Glimmer answers. She looks away from her friend.

“O-oh. I guess that battle took a lot out of me, huh?” Adora lets out a little laugh until she notices Glimmer has fallen silent. “Glim?”

“I’m going to ask you again and I want you to tell me the truth. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. There is nothing to wor--”

“ _ You’re not fine!”  _ Glimmer cuts her off. She turns her gaze back up on Adora. Hot tears are streaming down her face. “I know you are keeping something from me! I saw you struggling against something during the last two fights! I heard you say something about something being in your head or body, whatever it was! I heard you last night shout and throw what sounded like your sword.

“Adora...please...please tell me what is wrong,” Her voice becomes hush, almost a whisper. “I’m worried about you. Please...just tell me...I want to help…”

Sniffles escape her. Adora can’t bear to see Glimmer like this. The last thing she ever wanted to do was to hurt anyone. She thought she could do this alone but it is not working. There is no other choice.

“I…” Adora sighs, not knowing how to tell Glimmer this. “I’m losing myself, Glim.”

“What? What the hell does that mean?”

“Recently, everytime I turn into She-ra it feels like something is trying to take over and it has. I...I can see myself move and fight without my command. I have to use all my energy to have myself listen to me but it...hasn’t been working well lately. I also couldn’t even feel myself get the cut on my cheek.”

“What are you talking about, Adora?!? That doesn’t make sense!”

“No...it doesn’t but I think the spirit of She-ra is trying to take over. I hear a voice in my head telling me that I should give up fighting. That I have to let someone in. When I had gone back to the temple right before the Battle of Brightmoon, Light Hope had told me I had to let go. I don’t know if she meant letting go of myself but I feel like that is something she was talking about.”

Adora looks at Glimmer. The other girl struggles to process all the info she has just been told. “So...what does that mean?”

“It means...everytime I turn into She-ra, there is a chance I won’t turn back into Adora. And it seems to grow everytime I transform. I don’t know what will happen to me once I…”

Adora can’t finish her sentence. She finds herself holding back tears in her eyes. Glimmer completes her thought.

“You don’t know what is gonna happen to you once She-ra completely takes over, right?”

Adora can only nod in response. She didn’t realize how much she was hold back until she said everything out loud. Now she is crying.

Glimmer wraps her arms around Adora and pulls her into a tight hug. She rubs her back and says nothing as she lets Adora let out her emotions.

“I’m so scared. I’m so scared I am going to disappear. That I am just going to fade away from existence. I don’t...I don’t want that to happen but I can’t stop being She-ra. I can’t let everyone defenseless. I’m so scared, Glimmer. I don’t know what to do,” Adora cries.

“Shh, shh shh. We’ll figure it out. I promise. I won’t let that happen to you. There has to be a way to stop that from happening. Maybe...maybe Mom knows. Someone has too!” Glimmer reassures Adora. “We’ll find a way, I promise. I just wish you told me or Bow or someone sooner.”

“I didn’t want to worry anyone. I thought I could handle it.”

“You don’t have to handle everything alone, okay? It will be okay.”

“What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know yet. Right now, you need to rest. We then can go talk to my mom and go from there, okay?”

“Okay.”

Neither says anything else. They simply just hold each other close until Adora slips back into some sort of sleep. Even then, Glimmer does not let go of her. She refuses to let her go.


End file.
